Inconvenient Consequence
by alicat54
Summary: "But still, dress shopping with Russia can't be all that bad, eh?" Global warming has a strange effect on our favorite ice bound nations... femCanada x implied manny


If i owned hetalia... that would be cool...

**M**

A long time ago, before the ice sheets melted and global warming was a distant unrealized nightmare of the future, Taiwan asked China a question.

Her petite brow furrowed in deep concentration over childishly rounded cheeks. "Why are some nations girls, and some boys?"

China let out a sigh betraying his years (for China was old even then) and ponderously took the tiny country into his lap.

"Aru, now why do you want to know that, little one?"

She pouted cutely. "Kiku said I couldn't play with him because I'm a girl and he's a boy."

China laughed lightly and patted her dark curls.

"Well, there are many reasons: how aggressive the people of the country are in matters of military power, how much of them is used for farming…aru, sometimes if they are involved with another nation they can choose one way or another, and I've heard of some in the West whose culture affect them like that…. But I suppose the one that is most common is the desirability of their recourses."

The tiny nation looked confused, and China tried to elaborate.

"Well, remember meeting miss Ukraine?" She nodded slowly, indicating exactly how much she remembered that forgotten day. China chuckled again. "Aru, her economy is based off farming, and her fertile lands make others in Europe very attracted to her, aru."

Taiwan's lip pushed itself out in thought. "So if you had recourses everyone wanted and land like hers, you would turn into a girl?"

This time the ancient country laughed out loud. "Yes, aru, I suppose I would turn into a girl!" In the middle of their shared laughter, Taiwan yawned cutely, "But now it is time for little countries to be going to bed, aru."

Sliding from his lap Taiwan gave a slight bow and a mumbled, "G'night," before sidling off to bed.

Far away, thousands of miles within time and space, past the time when an inconvenient truth pervaded the psyche of mankind, past even the time when devastation wrought by drought and heat massacred the ecology of earth and melted long frozen swamps of permafrost, right up to when the sub arctic was anything but, Canada awoke with the sun, and promptly screamed.

**M**

It had been six months since Mathew's polar bear died, and Alfred F. Jones, aka America, felt that it was time for his brother to finally unbury himself from under his pile of…slush… and come out to face the world once more.

That was why he currently found himself standing on the porch of his closest neighbor's house, Mickey D's in tow, wrapping on the door with his free hand.

"Matthew, open up! I know your pet died, but you can't afford to miss another World Meeting. We're actually planning on getting things done this time, Mattie, and it's really important that you come! Come on, I'll drive and I even brought breakfast!" he waved the bag of burgers feebly.

A hushed shrill voice answered him. "Go away, I'm- I'm not feeling well."

"That's what you said last time I came over, but when Iggy called you said you were fine." A stony silence beat his ears. Gritting his teeth the good old US of A tactfully laid down an ultimatum. "Canada, if you don't open this door on the count of three, I'll be forced to break it down, and I know you don't want that! One…" Instantly he heard frantic scurrying and scrabbling from behind the closed door. He smirked.

"Two…" Numerous clicks signified the opening of locks, and the door flew open. Alfred laughed, "About time you-" He blanched catching sight of his sibling, "Are you alright?"

Canada looked thinner for some reason, and his large purple eyes looked red and watery as if he'd been crying. A heavy red sweatshirt hung baggily over his bony frame, accentuating his hunched posture and thin face.

America looked concerned. "Mattie, are you ok? You really do look-"

"I'm fine," the shorter nation grumbled, "Let's just go."

"Are you sure, I could call us both in sick and-"

"No Al, I just want this day over with, I'm fine!" His brother's voice sounded sharp, and, though still worried, America knew enough to let it drop.

The meeting was held in New York, so Alfred tried not to take offense to his brother's stony silence all the way through the relatively short drive. He parked in his reserved spot in the parking lot and turned to Canada before he so much as unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Look, Mattie, I'm… sorry about Kuma-uh your bear. I didn't think it would affect you this much." He hesitated, "If you want, uh, I can help you find a new pet, or we could visit his grave, or go moose hinting or… something. Whatever you want, really. We can even hunt down the last bottle of maple syrup on earth! How does that sound?"

Canada sniffed and glanced at Alfred from the corner of his eye. "The moose is endangered now." America wilted. Amending his harsh statement, Canada attempted a small smile. "Thanks Al, but I just need to go home after the meeting. There's… just something I need to work out."

"Well, if you're sure…" Alfred trailed off, as the car door clicked open.

"I'm sure."

America watched as his brother stepped lightly down the curb to the building's door. He must be really ill, the nation thought, he's even walking funny.

When America finally entered the meeting (late of course) it was to find that England and France had already begun their ritual quarrel, while his brother had vanished from sight. This upset America slightly, for no matter how invisible Matthew was to other nations, Alfred usually had no trouble picking him out from a crowd. That must mean he was hiding for some reason…

Germany's hand slammed on the table with a resounding hollow bang. "Everyone shut up!" he yelled in a deep baritone. "This emergency meeting was called to discuss the current fresh water crisis and rights therein concerning all bottling and transactions between countries!" Instantly the hall fell silent.

"Hey, where's Russia?" someone, probably Poland, shouted into the stillness, "He's got the most water in Europe now that his house thawed out!"

"Brother hasn't been feeling well lately," Belarus, hissed, "He hasn't even been talking to me." The tone in which she stated this sent chills down more than a few spines.

"Be that as it may, this is a serious issue that must be dealt wit h as soon a possible!" Germany growled.

"But why by us, isn't this something out governments decide individually regardless of what we say, because they're listening to their financial backers?" Sealand shouted, but unfortunately, no one recognized him as a nation, so his comment went unheard.

While the Europeans squabbled like children, the Asian countries were engaged in a heated debate, whose existence spanned several hundred years of time.

"Your breasts are mine!" Korea shouted triumphantly groping China's flattened chest.

"Get off, aru!" a fist to the face quickly dislodged the over eager countries' hold, knocking him to the floor.

"No one's breasts are yours, now go away!" Taiwan hissed harshly.

Japan sighed and hung his head, wondering why he still hung out with his 'family' at all. His mind wandered to the alternatives, bringing up a plate of hamburgers and pasta… oh right that was why.

"Oh ya?" Korea turned suddenly and grabbed the nearest person he could lay his hands on, "See, everyone's breasts belong to me even…" he froze and his face turned scarlet. His wandering hands made a quick confirmation of their shocking discovery.

His captive froze, too startled to move.

Korea glanced curiously at the person's face, taking in mid length wavy blonde hair covering a pair of violet eyes, yet recognition remained elusively lost. He supposed this person simply was a new country he hadn't heard of (not entirely impossible given the state of the world lately). He would have recognized such a well developed…face if he had met them before.

"Uh, miss, not to be rude, but who are you?" This was too much for Canada. Twisting sharply she dislodged the Asian's grip and tried to escape out of the meeting room. "Hey, wait!" Korea snatched at her red hoodie, succeeding in gaining a hold.

"Let go of me!" Canada screamed, conscious of the other nations filing over, attracted by the noise. She saw a head of blonde and the flash of spectacles.

"Hey, whats-?"

Pulling away sharply, Canada managed to get her arms pulled through the sleeves and pull her head down in to the red fabric. In a moment she was free leaving Korea holding an empty sweatshirt and…

Damn static electricity to hell.

"M-Matt?" a startled group of former colonies stuttered, face flushed along with the rest of Europe. Crossing her arms over her chest, Canada sprinted from the room, leaving a wake of nosebleeds behind her.

**M**

"_H-hi, this is Matthew Williams. America's number has the five six seven two at the end. I cant come to the phone right now… so please leave your name and number and I'll call you back as soon as I'm able…." _

_BEEP_

"_Canada, That was so un-cool stealing my car, I had to hitch hike all the way back to DC, and by hitchhike I mean call a cab! I want my SUV back, so I can drive up there and pummel you! What is going on? I saw at the meeting and well…" cough. "Anyway, call me back."_

_BEEP_

"_Mon petit Canada! It is your Papa! You would like to share your bountiful freshwater resources with me, no? Your ungrateful brother has banned me from several of his states, and I am parched! Adieu!"_

_BEEP_

"_Aru, I was wondering if I could rent a space in your house for a couple of years, aru, with unlimited rights to do whatever I want with it, aru, like what I have with Madagascar. I would like to speak more over some tea, perhaps, aru?"_

_BEEP_

"_Canada, I know you're there. Pick up the phone. It's been three days, and I know you couldn't have gotten lost in your own home. Call me."_

_BEEP_

"_Canada, correct? My boss has become interested in promoting a political friendship between our countries-" _

"_Don't forget to ask about her vital regions! It's the best pickup line!" _

"_Shut up Prussia!" a muffled band and groan in the background. "Anyway, if we could discuss it over a meal perhaps, it would be very benefittial to both of us I'm sure."_

_BEEP_

"_Ve~, you're very pretty miss, would you like to come to a party with me and Germany?"_

"_Hey, don't forget me, ba-"_

"_Brother, don't use such language around a lady!" _

"_Wha- oh, sorry."_

_BEEP_

"…_hic… Hey bro, I mean sss-hic… hehe. Iggy and I are at this really neat place- hic- and he's- he's- ahhahaha; He's on the floor somewhere… We were talkin' 'bout your whole thing… everyone is talking about it an', an'" sniff, "An' I jus' wan' ya' ta' know tha' if ya wan' I'll totally let ya be the fifty second state. Officially, ya know… I could adopt ya, like th' ot'er st'ts, and you'd be my – my-" Sniff. "Jus' call me back, Can'da, I –I'm real worried 'bout you. Ev'one wants you now…." _

_BEEP_

"_YOUR VITAL REGIONS ARE MINE!" _

"_What Bruder? Why do you have my cell phone?" _

"_Uh, no reason-"_

_BEEP_

"_Mattie, I'm driving up to your house with Iggy and France. He promised not to steal your recourses, don't worry. We'll all be there in about an hour, and I'll want my car back. Don't run away, we're all really concerned about you and just want to help!"_

_BEEP_

"_Well, I'm here at your house. Where the HELL are you?"_

_**M**_

At that moment Canada, aka Matthew (…. Hm no, he'd have to change that soon… Maddie maybe?) Williams was on a plane to Russia.

Why was she on a plane to one of the most frightening countries you ask? It started with a very strange letter she received two days ago.

"_We have much to discuss. You will be visiting me at my house please, da?"_

It was the please which sparked his… her curiosity. Ivan never said please, or if he did it was usually attached to the phrase, 'Become one with Russia'. He must be serious, reflected the maple flagged country, after all his ice melted too, so it couldn't be a marriage proposal or anything…

Though if it was… She sighed, and tugged at the uncomfortable straps under her shirt. If it was, she would run home on the next flight. Just like that, couldn't be easier.

Her fist massaged a tick on her forehead. Why was she doing this again?

The plane began to descend over Saint Petersburg and Canada glanced out of the tiny window, noticing the distinct lack of white. Just like home, she mused, mood if anything falling even farther.

Extracting her small suitcase from the overhead bin (she hadn't had much time to pack, and she owned few gender neutral cloths suited to her new…figure) Canada entered the terminal, trying desperately to remember how to call for a cab in Russian. Luckily, she needn't have bothered.

Standing right outside of the gate was a broad man dressed in a black chauffer suit bearing a sign with the legend, 'Williams, Canada.' Canada blinked slowly and walked over.

The man's sharp gaze sized her up. "You are Williams, Canada?" his accent was thick.

"Williams is my last name, and my home is in Canada," the country said softly. "Were you sent by Ivan Braginski?"

"Braginski, da. This way Miss Williams."

He led her outside to where a small black car waited, its dark tinted windows glinting ominously in the sunlight. To be polite Canada accepted his hand as he helped her into the back leather seat and shut the door promptly behind her once she had settled in.

They drove in silence.

"S-so, uh, how has the weather been lately here?"Canada said shyly, trying to break the heavy atmosphere.

The driver grunted, "Hm, many flooding. Several towns have been sunk by the mire, and work now is being hard to come by." Canada cringed in sympathy; it was nearly the same at his own home.

They pulled up to a rather large faded mansion precariously perched half way up the side of a mountain. It would have been drowned in mud, if it wasn't for the simple fact that it was built on top of a small rise in the earth, creating a natural plateau amid the melt.

The driver kindly opened the door for the nation and took her suitcase from the trunk.

"I was told that your host is in the greenhouse over there," he pointed to a small path, which vanished behind the back of the house. "Enjoy your stay in Russia, Miss Williams."

Canada watched the black car pull away, an odd sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Pull yourself together, you're here, there's no turning back now!" Taking a deep breath she hoisted her bag and stepped carefully down the path, her boots becoming soaked immediately with mud.

The greenhouse stood immediately at the back of the house, its large warped glass panels steamy with condensation towered above the country's head, concealing a green jungle within. Hesitantly Canada tried the door, and fond it unlocked. Opening it she found herself assaulted with an odd perfume and the swaying heads of-

"Sunflowers?" Yes, sunflowers. Rows, upon rows, upon rows of sunflowers. Sunflowers hung in bunches drying by a wire on the ceiling their seeds ready to roast and toast, seedlings wormed their way amid thousands and thousands of pots, each lovingly aligned upon high tables set under lamps. Bouquets of freshly cut blossoms stood sedately near the door, some mixed with odd vines and wildflowers, Canada recognized from outside, for affect.

Cautiously taking a step inside Canada glanced around the humid space, eyes straining to find her host among the flowers. Finally he spied something tan and flowing with a pair of dark boots under one of the tables.

The boots had heels.

"Ivan?" Canada squeaked.

The tan coated figure straightened up and turned sharply, exposing cold calculating purple eyes framed by platinum hair so blonde, it nearly was white. The eyes blinked.

"Oh, Comrade Matvey!" Russia smiled widely and giggled.

Canada stared with wide eyes at the former Soviet Union, mind frantically trying to compute this new startling piece of data. "I-Ivan?" she tried again, voice still slightly strangled.

Russia nodded, "Da! Though I was doing the thinking that it may not be so appropriate anymore! Ivana is nice, da? What are you calling yourself?"

Canada cleared her throat, face still slightly flushed, "I-I was thinking Maddie…"

Ivan…a smiled widely, brushing her hands free of dirt from where she had been tending the rows of sunflowers lining the greenhouse. She stuck one out for a shake. "It is nice to meet you, Comrade Madvey!"

Hesitantly Canada stretched out her own hand to shake Russia's, not expecting for it to grasp hers tightly and pull the poor country into a tight one armed hug at Ivana's side.

"You will come see my garden now, da? So many sunflowers, and soon I may even be putting them outside!" Her short white hair waved in time with her giggles. Canada tried to smile, yet it came out as more of a wince. Russia's strength had not diminished in the slightest with her… ecological changes.

"Uh, Russia, is there any particular reason you called me here? I m-mean besides, uh…"

The largest country smiled brightly. "I heard about your condition from my sisters, and thought you could use some support, da? Those other nations just don't know how to handle drastic world changes without turning into a pack of rabid wolves!"

Canada flushed, "Is that why you haven't been at the meetings lately?"

"Da, that and I have much to be working on here at home. Sunflowers don't grow themselves!" she practically glowed as she mentioned the yellow flowers, hand caressing a bouquet lovingly.

"O-oh, t-that makes sense, I guess…"

Russia beamed at her. "That is good to hear you agreeing with me, as we are in the same boat now, da?"

Hesitantly Canada nodded, wondering where this was going.

The other woman clasped her hands together happily, squeezing the unfortunate Canadian closer to death by strangulation.

"Then it is settled, you will be staying at my home, and we can have so much fun together!" She blushed sheepishly, "I have not been wanting to call my sisters in case this worries them. I do not think they would take it well. Especially Belarus." Russia shuddered slightly.

Canada awkwardly patted the Russian on the shoulder. "I can only guess. I'm pretty sure Alfred hasn't accepted what's going on lately." _And neither have I_, she thought wearily.

"Then it is settled!" Russia burst out, "We shall go to the mall immediately for the shopping of cloths!"

"W-What?" Canada squeaked. Her outburst went unheard however, as Ivana bodily dragged her guest from the greenhouse and to the rather large tank-car parked just beside it.

**M**

I don't even know what I was on when I wrote this.

Oh, this has always bothered me: Ivan says 'da' at the end of a statement, in order to turn said statement into a question. It's a physiological tactic, emphasizing how said statement holds no room for argument. Therefore if anyone dares to disagree with him later, he can just say "Well you didn't disagree with me before when I asked, da?" "….uh, right…"

There are some people who put 'da' (which means yes, to those who don't know) like at every other word. It gets … weird for lack of a better term. Example: "As I was saying, da, I went, da, to the mall, da, and found thin cute, da, dress, da, da, da…"

Let us translate. "As I was saying, yes, I went to the mall, yes, and found this cute, yes, dress, yes, yes, yes…" see how weird that sounds?

The same concept applies to Canada's 'eh' thing at the end of his statements. He's turning statements into questions. People do it all the time, so please use grammar responsibly.

honestly, i have no idea what china's 'aru' thing is. if anyone wants to tell me, feel free.


End file.
